18 year old dating 15 year old bad
I'm generally very liberal but not when it comes to early dating.
While she doesn't appear to have a specific boy in mind right now (though I may be wrong about that), she's asking questions about what her dating rules will be. I am trying to teach her to stick up for herself, to not deny her inner feelings about someone, to use good judgement, and to be tactful also. Kids can get together in a group in homes where parents cruise through at times (From experience, I know some parents at home may mean zero supervision.) Our daughter is 16 and figured out early that a lot of so-called dating is really an excuse for sexual experimentation.
Being clueless myself, I'm looking for suggestions--how have you handled early dating experiences? Some kids pretend they are drunk, and hence not responsible for their sexual behavior.
I want to support her to start thinking through some of this for herself, but whereas she used to have very good judgment, these days she's running on low self esteem and hormones and I believe would follow anybody home who told her she had beautiful eyes. I talked to her about birth control and safe sex and she clearly was not ready. She went to his house once or twice, all when parents were home. When she has been out later with others I often pick her up (the joys of cell phones! I guess when there is another boyfriend I will want to meet him also.
( And yes, we've been addressing the low esteem for years.)She has no experience with dating. I say I could get behind that better if he would stop commenting on her physical beauty and if she would stop gushing. When she saw him I kept my cell phone on and when they were alone for the first time and he was pressuring her for sex, she called me and I picked her up immediately. I think it's a matter of what you are comfortable with and what she wants too.
When my daughter asked me when I thought a girl was ready to have sex, I replied ''when she's ready to handle a baby.'' We all know that every form of birth control has a failure rate, so I don't think it's too far out to talk about pregnancy.
A lot of oral sex goes on in dating, with definite health risks, loss of reputation, etc.
I find myself in the unsettling position of wanting to say very conventional things like ''An 18 year old boy only has one thing in mind.'' And then I feel bad. Older guys pick on younger, more vulnerable girls because it's harder for them to say no. They mostly spent time together at school, at lunch, or met before school for coffee. I told her that I wanted to meet him before they went ''out'' anywhere. Just make sure she knows that she can call you anytime and you will pick her up. That way she might talk to you about any things she doesn't know how to handle.Talk to your daughter about different things that can happen when she is with him and let her know she can make a choice about what she wants to do. I also tell her if he wants to ''go farther'' than she does, she absolutely has the right to say ''no''.