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Simply ask your questions respectfully, so it is not regarded as prying but as a genuine interest in the deceased spouse and their relationship.
If you pay close attention, you actually may learn many interesting things about your new partner, for example: how he/she views the world; how he/she treats a partner; likes and dislikes, etc.
Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse.
This can only be threatening to you, if you allow it to be. He or she is not coming back, so you are not going to lose your new mate to him or her. In general, when you get to know someone you want to share your past with him or her. This time it just happens to include a person that is no longer alive.
Keep in mind that the heart is a very accommodating organ.
It can expand to let new people in without kicking out the old residents.
If you are dating or planning to marry a widow or widower, here are some suggestions and thoughts to consider.
LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations.Take pause and ask yourself if you would rather your new partner didn't care about his/her late spouse.