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30-Sep-2016 13:23

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and yet I’ve found people there quieter and less responsive.

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When I got back in the dating game, I used two different sites: OKCupid and Match. I’ve learned that while I can’t tell a lot about someone based on their profile, I can get a good idea of our compatibility.

Someone who keeps their answers minimal, says virtually nothing about themselves, goes on and on about how they’re looking for a “drama-free” woman, insists their partner be adventurous and well-traveled, insists their partner be fit and athletic, insists their partner be anything really–these are people who aren’t going to click with me.

If you’re particular about height, weight, race, income, etc. I’ve even seen guys on Match list every race, I don’t know if they don’t follow directions well or didn’t want to be left out of someone’s search based on race.) OKC lets you search on compatibility, and I know it’s hard to trust at first, but after a little while you start to realize that it does pretty well.

Though one major thing is that it’s no longer horrible and shameful to be dating online.Talk to anyone and they’ll tell you about all their friends who met their partner/spouse online.I like thoughtful people, with extra bonus points for wit and smarts. It didn’t take long for me to feel like OKC kept showing me the same people. Match lets you put in plenty of specs, but I don’t look for specs in a person. I’ve dated amazing guys without college degrees, low incomes, and unusual professions.None of that has to be book smarts, in fact I find snootiness unappealing, but it goes a long way towards the kind of conversations we’ll have. I tend to do very little excluding, so searching is not too helpful for someone like me. The number of guys who’ve said they were 5’9″ and then showed up and were exactly as tall as me–I’m not quite 5’6″–has been many.

When I started dating again there was only one option. I have social circles, but they’re largely married and their social circles are largely married, and as I’m way too old and uncool for the bar scene, that was it.I did online dating a decade or so ago and not too much has changed between now and then.



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