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You may think these are positive traits, but if you’re the only one giving or sacrificing, it’s time to ask yourself why the relationship has become unbalanced and unequal. The dictionary defines “adhesive” as a substance for sticking one thing to another. The same thing can be said for being accommodating and flexible. When one person in a relationship is clingy, it may create the illusion of being part of a couple–but it’s actually a lonely place to be.Changing your clingy ways isn’t just about giving your partner space, it’s also about creating space for yourself and distancing yourself from some of those driving, distressing emotions. If you stop being so clingy and your love interest remains elusive or continues to pull away, have the courage to move on. Just as the person you fall in love with deserves the chance to be part of a cohesive couple, so do you. Realizing that your partner’s need for space isn’t unreasonable—that it’s good for you, too—can help you loosen your grip. These are good indicators that you may be in the clingy zone. If your sweetheart is craving space, the signs include less eye contact, less physical touch, shallow or brief conversations and a “keep your distance” posture like crossed legs or arms. Sign up for a class, join a small group, or pursue a passion or talent that is yours and yours alone. A good rule of thumb is to match—not exceed—the energy, attention, and effort your partner is investing in your relationship. When we’re convinced we’re not getting “enough” from a partner and we’re starving for more, it’s natural to become clingy. Feed your need—for conversation, companionship, affirmation, whatever—from more than one source.There’s a recurring thread I’ve seen lately online, whether it’s in the comments here or in a few of the other forae where I lurk: an increasing sense of desperation for a relationship.As we’re running headlong into the holiday season, it’s only natural for the singletons amongst us to look around at all of the happy couples with a certain level of bitterness and envy. As this goes on, you become increasingly bitter and upset, complaining about the “impossible standards” of others while simultaneously trying to meet or those standards because you know that your life will be incomplete until you find that special someone.
It can leave your love-interest feeling trapped, suffocated, and smothered. ) that you’re too clingy, here are five steps to liberate not only your partner from the clutches of clinginess, but yourself as well. When you are at your clingiest, you may even feel driven and powerless, as if you couldn’t choose to behave differently even if you wanted to. If you’re longing to connect is a lot stronger than your partner’s— or if you’re being driven by insecurity, jealousy or loneliness—take a step back. When you’re adhesive, you can cause even someone who really loves you to long for space and, in doing so, diminish your chances of ever developing cohesiveness as a couple.
When you’re single and alone in a season that celebrates relationships and togetherness But because the strongest force in the universe is irony rather than gravity, it can seem that the harder you strive for finding that special someone, the more it slips away from you. The problem is that you’ve fallen into a classic trap: you’ve started becoming desperate and needy. It is the magic formula to make relationships disappear and drive off potential life-partners. Neediness is the state of excessive desire for affirmation, affection or reassurance from others.
It’s melange of issues, involving an external locus of control mixed with low self-esteem and self-limiting beliefs that come together as a constant need for approval from others.
They have put their self-worth in the hands of others, defining themselves by their relationship to other people.
Even lavishing your partner with gifts or compliments that are out of proportion to what you’re receiving is a form of clinginess.
Also, pay attention to your body when you don’t get the response you’re seeking, such as when he doesn’t pick up when you call or she doesn’t text you back right away. If so, it’s probably time to take a deep breath and take your foot off the emotional gas pedal. People who have well-rounded lives—and are getting emotional needs met through a variety of activities, people, and communities—are much less likely to feel needy or become too clingy. Don’t barrage your partner with ten texts to every one of hers, or ten phone calls to each of his.