Dating jokes quotes

16-Mar-2016 00:00

dating jokes quotes-65

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If only God can judge us, then Santa has some explaining to do. He's an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican. Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments. In about 20 years, the hardest thing our kids will have to do is find a username that isn't taken. Why do medications never have any good side effects?

I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook." Old people at weddings always poke me and say "you're next". I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I'm a huge fan of 50 Cent, or as he's known in Zimbabwe, "Three Hundred Million Dollars." I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? its that they figured out a way to fit "ass" into the same word twice. When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.

The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light? Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Shout out to my fingers, I can always count on them.

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Running away doesn't help you with your problems... I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you've got diarrhea is better. Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. If I die in my sleep, at least I can actually say that I died doing what I loved. I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times... If someday we all go to prison for downloading music illegally, I hope they split us up by music genres. I accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. I changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so that whenever I forget, it will tell me, "Your password is incorrect." Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs. No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. If you bring a gun to the pharmacy, you can get drugs without a doctor's prescription. Girls Fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

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