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I chose to move to Korea because for three years prior I was smitten with Korean culture. I started learning the language and started looking for opportunities to live in Korea. I’m young, single, and have no children; according to Buzzfeed I’m supposed to be traveling the world and finding myself at 25. And I quit my job and got on a 14 hour plane ride from Atlanta to South Korea.
It was my dream to be in the same space as Big Bang and breathe the same kimchi-smelling air they did.
So after a few months of not meeting any one datable in my town, I took to a dating app to help reel in some prospects.
The usual creeps rolled in but there was one (Korean) guy I sparked with. We went on several dates and after some weeks of casual dates he asked me to be exclusive. No I didn’t but there was no communication between us until on a Thursday night, he called, with a woman (it was his mother) yelling in the background.
He was handsome, sweet, tall, and we both shared the same morals and values. (Not uncommon in Korean society as he was approaching 30) We were dating, things were cute and fresh and bubbly. His words were: “My mother found out you and I were dating and she does not approve and said we need to break up”.
I wanted to so badly live where my favorite kpop groups lived and worked. But after a good talk with my best friend, chocolate cake, and soju shots, I’m back to my old self again (plus 3 pounds but whatever lol) But that is the reality here.To see all the sexy flower boys I saw on dramas and share make up tips with the cute adorable Korean girls I saw on You Tube. Everyone will not value you as the beautiful black queen you are. I’m going to be the most beautiful woman ever to a lucky guy someday and his family will love me.I wanted to meet a Korean man that would pull me out of the street as a car was coming and we’d stare into each other’s eyes for 10-12 frames and he’d ask me to coffee. They won’t think your skin is the color of caramel or hot chocolate they’ll think it’s dark and ugly but does that make them right? So if you’re here and dating in Korea or plan to come here with dating on the agenda just know it’s about 10x harder and 20x more effort.He’d be sweet, wipe cream off my top lip, and smile and tell me I was beautiful….. My experience is NOTHING like this and if you’re a Black woman yours may not be either. “I’m different”,” I’m pretty”,” I’m skinny”, you say…. But let me assure you moving here is not an all-you-can- eat buffet of cute kpop band boys or sexy actors from your favorite dramas. After you go through the trouble of finding a nice guy to date, it could all go up in shambles when the parents find out.
It’s a lot of trial and error, uncertainty, and loneliness. I was a beautiful, smart, hard-working woman but because I was an American Black woman, I wasn’t good enough. I’ve temporarily given up on love and started focusing on self-improvement, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen it may just take some time and patience.
Most of the sexy guys walking around Seoul have a beautiful Korean girl on their arm and the ones who are staring at you aren’t admiring your amazing full lips or round butt, they have just straight up never seen a black person before.