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Try as I might to suppress the reaction, I experience black men's choice of white women as a personal rejection of the group in which I am a part, of African American women as a whole, who have always been devalued in this society.
Certainly my reaction links back to a few bad apples in my own young dating years.
Once I overheard my black boyfriend telling his buddies how he preferred white women; on another occasion (with a different black boyfriend) a guy told me he didn't care that I was breaking up with him because he could go out and get a white woman, which was what he really wanted anyway.
She was probably very nice; but I cannot say for sure.
She was shy and didn't talk much in what was likely an unfamiliar and perhaps overwhelming African American social setting.
I wish my male relatives luck and joy in their relationships, but I also feel a pinch when I watch them with their girlfriends.
It is the same sharp tug of disappointment that gets me every time I see a black man with a white woman on his arm.
One of my male relatives brought home a date for Thanksgiving who could have been Barbie's twin sister.
She was blonde, thin, big-bosomed, and even had a Germanic name.